I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
