She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
