No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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