It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
