Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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