i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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