hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sext me about skeletons
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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