Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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