So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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