I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
