Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
