Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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