Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
