I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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