he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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