No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
