Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
