so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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