I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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