i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I am morally bankrupt
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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