Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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