Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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