This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
