i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
