I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize