so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
