Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
