Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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