bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
