Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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