i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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