I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
