Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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