So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
