You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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