I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize