if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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