No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
