If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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