I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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