Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
