Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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