Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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