Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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