My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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