you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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