Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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