I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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