Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
