If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
