I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize