btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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