So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
