Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
