Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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