I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
