I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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