3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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