please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
