I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
