I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?