he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
