I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.