eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.