absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
