I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?