Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You're my little dorito

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  (269): You're my little dorito http://tfl.nu/8gay
  Replies (4) Good night (1602) Bad night (592)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.

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  (917): It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay. http://tfl.nu/aq98
  Replies (14) Good night (559) Bad night (2945)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am

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  (610): i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am http://tfl.nu/0mrv
  Replies (6) Good night (4842) Bad night (793)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else

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  (630): I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else http://tfl.nu/09lv
  Replies (13) Good night (4184) Bad night (747)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (27259) Bad night (4490)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.

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  (215): he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon. http://tfl.nu/6d9i
  Replies (13) Good night (6914) Bad night (959)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?

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  (503): Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower? http://tfl.nu/g495
  Replies (32) Good night (1578) Bad night (5004)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?

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  (941): Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket? http://tfl.nu/fc98
  Replies (5) Good night (1161) Bad night (1184)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them

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  (260): People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them http://tfl.nu/5lb9
  Replies (4) Good night (1616) Bad night (711)
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  (529): View more from

  Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.

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  (529): Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble. http://tfl.nu/he57
  Replies (10) Good night (593) Bad night (1529)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!

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  (276): Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?! http://tfl.nu/n7jl
  Replies (4) Good night (274) Bad night (507)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.

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  (218): He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins. http://tfl.nu/4w92
  Replies (5) Good night (357) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Your word choices worry me.

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  (520): Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants? (614): Your word choices worry me. http://tfl.nu/ader
  Replies (5) Good night (507) Bad night (260)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.

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  (713): The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time. http://tfl.nu/2jw5
  Replies (2) Good night (536) Bad night (209)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.

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  (604): Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day. http://tfl.nu/pwtj
  Replies (0) Good night (196) Bad night (313)

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