it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go