Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever