I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
