she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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