please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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