he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
