he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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