I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
