It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
