SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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