I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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