I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
