how can u be prego again
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
