It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
