the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
